I can't help it, i'm worried.
this bronchitis isn't getting better yet - in fact it's worse (especially overnight). I went to the doctor Monday and got medicine, and yes, it often takes several days to see an improvement. But time is not a luxury i have. it is definitely crunch time. completing the 20 mile run this Saturday is vital to being ready for the marathon. if i can't do 20 - i can't do 26.2. the problem is that i probably shouldn't be running with the repiratory issue i have right now. but if i don't run Saturday with the group, i can't fathom running 20 miles on my own a few days later (if i'm even better by them). not running it could spell disaster.
i also have a wedding i am supposed to be singing in next weekend (29th). But at this point, i can't sing the songs well at all because i have no singing voice. i believe there is still time to get better for that - provided i am getting "better". i don't want to think about the possibility of having to bail out of the wedding because i don't even know that couple (i was referred to them by someone). I would feel utterly terrible.
anyway, just on the heels of having a renewed drive doing this marathon, i get thrown this wild card. and here's how i've been over-anylizing it: i believe there are no coincidences so either this is just a trial God is wanting me to go through, or it's God trying to tell me i shouldn't be doing this, or it's Satan trying to keep me from doing it. If my "walk" was better with Him than it's been lately, i might be able to discern His direction. But i've been letting just about everything else take priority in my life and i am leaving Him outside the door. Maybe he's just trying to get my attention; Telling me this is way to big of a task to go at alone (without His help).